FLASH FICTION WEEK
Runner-up
BY JOHN-PAUL COTE
Copyright is held by the author.
“I THINK you’d be spending your time better applying for a new passport rather than waste it here tearing this place apart,” Q’lan said
Elara collapsed on her bed.
“Maybe you’re right.”
She was five days from a dream vacation to Club Med on Glorial VII.
She got up and turned to the terminal in her room.
“Computer, begin process for reapplying for a passport.”
“Certainly. The process has been initiated.”
A file appeared on screen. Elara began to scroll through it.
“And this will get me my passport?”
“No, this is the application for the form needed for your passport.”
Elara let out a sigh and dove into it. Hours later she was finished.
“How long will it take?”
“It will take approximately twelve to twenty-four weeks.”
“For the form? No! I need the passport in five days! Nevermind the form for it! How can we speed this up?”
“You can expedite the process in person through Section 47B-QR90PH of the Entire Galactic Administrative Division.”
“Where is Section 47B-QR90PH?”
“It is located on the planet Zygmor Prime.”
***
Zygmor Prime, The Bureaucratic Centre of the universe. Elara approached an information booth and took a number. 3428. The display said 151. Hours later it was her turn.
“Excuse me, I’m looking for Section 47B-QR90PH.”
The clerk smiled.
“Please fill out this form so that I may better serve you.”
Elara looked at the 32-page document and sighed but she would not be deterred. When finished, she returned the tablet with the form. The clerk smiled at her.
“Excellent. What is you request?”
“I’m looking for Section 47B-QR90PH.”
“Of course,” the clerk turned to his terminal. “Oh, darn it.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s just the system running slow today. There must be a higher than normal number of requisitions being processed.”
Elara sighed. Fifteen minutes elapsed.
“Ah, here is the information requested.”
A map was uploaded to Elara’s datapad. She headed off to the Multiverse Alien Administration Building. After struggling with the information system she approached the help clerk on duty.
“Excuse me, I’m looking for Section 47B-QR90PH.”
The clerk smiled.
“Please fill out this form so that I may better serve you.”
Forty-seven pages this time. Over 500 questions. Elara grit her teeth and dove into it.
Hours later . . .
“Here you go,” she said as she passed the forms to the clerk.
“Excellent. What is your request?”
“I’m looking for Section 47B-QR90PH.”
“Of course,” the clerk turned to his terminal. “Oh, darn it.”
Elara sighed. Fifteen minutes elapsed.
“Here is the information requested.”
She entered an elevator. Seconds later she was there.
“I would like to reapply for a passport.”
“Please fill out these forms so that I may help with your request.”
Hours later, Elara completed the forms.
“I’m sorry, but I cannot help you,” the clerk said.
Elara’s jaw dropped.
“Why?”
“Zygmor Prime only services last names starting with Rho to Rhy. Your last name is Rhan. I’m afraid this is the wrong planet.”
***
John-Paul lives in St. Catharines, Ontario with his wife and two children. He’s been writing for years but only started submitting his work recently. His story “Nostalgia” was published in the Niagara-On-The-Lakes’ Writers Circle’s anthology Beginnings and Endings. A second story, Time After Time We’re There For You, will appear in the next anthology Journeys. “A Winter’s Dance” and other stories have already been featured on CommuterLit. He is a person of few words so he enjoys writing short stories and novellas the most.
The use of dialogue was ironic and humorous in this clever story. Words should be bridges between human beings but are used by bureaucracies to confuse, entangle and obfuscate. The repetitive, meaningless forms and jargon will probably follow us into the future. Grim and funny. Well done.