BY JOHN LANE
Copyright is held by the author.
I see you.
“Why do you keep bothering me? Why don’t you leave me alone?”
Because I’m right. Now, let’s get started.
“Started on what?”
Don’t play stupid with me. You already told me what you are going to do.
“Why do you listen?”
I told you. Because I’m right. I listen to everything. Let’s go!
“I changed my mind.”
You talked about this for weeks. Don’t stop now.
“I don’t want to.”
Then, you are chicken! Chickens have no backbone.
“I’m not a chicken.”
Then, do it, chicken. Chicken. CHICKEN! CHICKEN! CHICKEN!
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
Good. I will only believe it if you get the gas container from the trunk.
“See. I open up the trunk. I pull out the gas container.”
Anybody can get the gas container from the trunk. But are you going to go in her garage?
“Well…”
Chicken! CHICKEN! CHICKEN! CHICKEN!
“Okay. OKAY. See. I pull up the garage door. Now, I can go in.”
And you wondered if the garage door was locked. Stupid.
“I never told you if the garage door was locked.”
You don’t have to, dumbass. You thought it. And I know all your thoughts.
“I never thought —”
Don’t you realize by now that you can’t hide anything from me?
“Stop it.”
And I know every thought out of that lima bean brain of yours!
“Stop it!”
That’s why you’re stupid. Stupid. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
“STOP IT!”
Then, follow through on what you are going to do.
“Yes, but I.”
You planned this.
“Yes, but I.”
You figured out all the details.
“Yes, but I.”
Then, do it, stupid. Dump all the gasoline on the floor.
“I can’t.”
This is why you are so stupid. Don’t you remember?
“Remember? I don’t want to remember!”
She serves you coffee in the diner. Tells you she loves you. You both exchange wedding vows.
“Okay. You got a point there.”
Then, she puts your 401K in her name. Takes out loans for furs and jewelry.
“Maybe I should have bought her those things so she wouldn’t leave me.”
Sleeps with every man within a five-mile radius. And then, she gives you divorce papers.
“Thanks for reminding me! Now, I’m getting pissed!”
And now she owns all your property while you sleep in the homeless shelter.
“That ungrateful SOB. After all I’ve done for her.”
Now, you remember! Do it fast! Faster! Turn it upside down. Good. All gone on the floor.
“Die, b*tch, die!”
Take the lighter from your pocket. Leave the gas can here. Go to the garage door.
“Good riddance. Now, she will feel the pain that I had carried throughout the marriage.”
Flick it. Throw it in the puddle.
“WOW! Look at the flames! They almost reach the ceiling.”
Close the garage door, stupid. Now, get out of here.
“Okay. I started the car. I floored it in drive.”
Good. And you know what?
“What should I know?”
You are so stupid for listening to me in the first place.
“Wait. What? I thought you knew.”
This is why you are so stupid. I AM YOU! You just don’t get this through your thick head! You knew better than to listen to me. I hope you get caught, and they fry your ass.