BY JEANNE BLUM-LESINSKI
Previously published in Bramble. Copyright is held by the author.
Shopping for an outfit to wear to my mother’s funeral,
I wander around the mall department stores, dazed.
Snatching business and formal clothes from racks,
I carry an elbow of black tops and a dress
into a quiet changing room, lock the stall door.
I fling off my tee-shirt and pull on the black dress,
shimmy, right, left, pull downward.
Oh my God, I’ve gotten fat!
The fully-lined dress resists my arms
crossed at odd angles in front of me.
I see my mother in the later stages of Alzheimer’s,
unable to remove a blouse or bra,
let alone understand the mechanics of a zipper.
I peek through welling tears and the narrow space
between the mauve door and its metal frame.
One stall door at the other end of the room is closed.
Feet and legs underneath rustle about.
I stop imagining the stares of shoppers
at my half-clad self-wandering the sales floor.
With a sneaker toe, I lift the stall door latch,
toe it inward, thrust backward with my shoulder.
Tears and snot flowing, I cross the dressing room.
I can’t wipe them on the back of a hand,
don’t dare wipe them on the dress at my shoulder.
Hello? Um, could you help me? I’m stuck —
I’mtryingtofindsomethingtoweartoMom’sfuneral.
The door opens to the kindness of a stranger,
whose particulars I no longer remember.
Nothing. Except the relief of release
and the gift of her solemn, quiet sympathy.
***
Jeanne Blum Lesinski is a poet, prose writer and visual artist who enjoys exploring the variety of these media. Her work has appeared in dozens of print and online publications, including Pink Panther Magazine, Dunes Review, Literary Mama and MUSE. Her debut poetry collection, Tethers End, was published by Shanti Arts in 2023. When not writing, she may be found on a bike trail, with a paintbrush in her hand, or with a hoe in a garden. She invites contact through her website: jeanneblumlesinskiwriter.com.
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